This is old and most definitely irrelevant, however, I had this thought while running today and decided that it’s too important not to write about.
Ok, with that said, can we agree that in the past few years Juno and Garden State have been the most important indie hits to come along since Napoleon Dynamite? Was Napoleon Dynamite really even a hit? Whatever. I hated that movie. I hated Nacho Libre too. Sasquatch Gang, directed by Dynamite assistant director Tim Skousen, was fantastic for some reason but I think it’s because the characters liked fantasy, VHS, and, most importantly, Sasquatch. Sasquatch is awesome and I want to go to Bluff Creek, CA and find one, film it, and defend its legitimacy.
The thought that occurred to me is how much Garden State, in my mind, sucks more than Juno. I KNOW, Juno was a bit over the top in terms of semi-annoying; good for a day or two pop culture witicisms. I attribute its superiority to the comfort it has in what it is. I think everyone involved in the flick knew that this HAD to be an annoyingly adorable indie hit and decided that the only way to make a tragically adult and kinda adorably empowered pregnant teen work is to combine her with a lanky, geek BFBFF (figure it out) and throw in some Thundercats, Gibsons, Iggy Pop, and Sonic Youth. It didn’t try to reach for anything more and that’s cool.
Garden State, on the other hand, I mean, look at that poster folks. It’s a fuckin’ sham! It’s the poster of a confused flick is what it is. The layout, if I’d never seen the movie before, would instantly bring to mind coming of age flicks like A Bronx Tale, Field of Dreams, and Stand By Me. The problem is, unfortunately, that it’s NOT. I mean, yea, it’s a coming of age movie I suppose. The pill-popper meets the weird girl and they dig graves and watch people have sex with Method Man or whatever but I just can’t really take anything from it emotionally like I can from A Bronx Tale, Field of Dreams, and Stand By Me. Field of Dreams was dope. Shoeless Joe Jackson, James Earl Jones, and stuff yeaaaaaa…
Zach Braff is a douche.
Why does he always whisper talk in all his flicks? He’s like the same guy in The Last Kiss (although that was a decent flick to be honest). Does he believe that a message has more emotional heft if you whisper it? MAN, when he talks to his dad after he has that bathtub moment with Natalie Portman, I nearly VOMITED. He just exudes douche and I never want to meet him ever.
However, like a spunky asshole, the flick keeps reaching for the stars. As further evidence of its ambitious attempts to be Field of Dreams while being cool and shit, the soundtrack includes both Simon and Garfunkel and The Shins. The fact that Braff chose a less predictable Simon and Garfunkel track (“The Only Living Boy in New York”), as opposed to something from The Graduate soundtrack, is cool. The only problem is that, by choosing to include a Simon and Garfunkel track, the film yields itself over to serious growth and emotion that it better live up to. The Shins, for their part, are the obvious “Oh man, this is cool I like The Shins, it’s cute, and I totally think this is cool” choice. The fact that Braff got a Grammy for this is a testament to the actual worth of the Grammy Award. The fact that the Braff curated soundtrack became some “indie music” champion is absolutely laughable.
So Juno wins because it’s completely comfortable in its own skin. It’s an insignificant indie hit and it’s fine with that. Garden State wasn’t cool with that and tried to join the extremely high pantheon of coming of age flicks that seriously change the way you, for example, hang with friends, act around girls (or boys), and construct baseball fields. Garden State didn’t achieve this victory, in fact, it solidified how lame things are. Indeed.
With that said, when I first viewed Garden State, I think I wept for Zach Braff and fell in love with Natalie Portman simultaneously.
But you weren’t there and don’t know if I’m just joking.
-Sgt. Carlos Delgado Sr.
